Relient K

As I was driving home from my evening, decided to listen to my ipod, something I rarely listen to. I turned on the song, "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K and I must say that I feel like this song accurately describes my life right now. The lyrics are as follows:

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'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
in the saddest state it's ever been.
this is no place to try and live my life...

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

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So here I am, ready and willing to admit that Ashley post breakup with Josh is not my favorite Ashley. In fact, I'm a bit out of control. I craved attention and have taken it from anyone willing to give it, hurting some of the people that I care about the most in the process. Am I sorry? Absolutely

Why I Hate the Banks

Today I hate the bank. I realize that there may be a time in potentially 48 hours of which I do not hate the bank but today, I really do. A man came in today and asked for the largest size of safety deposit box possible. After everything was completely set up, he came to the smart realization that it's a very large box and he doesnt have near enough to need one. So the process started over.

So why do I hate the bank? I hate it because people started yelling at me, making me count their thirty checks after waiting ten minutes in line, and forcing me to make ridiculous phone calls causing a line of cars around the bank.

People!!! Don't be so ridiculous in your demands!!

DMV

I cannot express how much I hate the DMV. HATE it. After spending four and a half hours there today, I realize how unexcited I am to go back in a year to renew my license. 'Nuf said.

Cake

I created this blog and writer's block has officially kicked in. What to write about on a very early Tuesday morning? My inadequacies? My strengths? My sometimes very blunt and oftentimes interpreted as upset opinion? The fluff of life? Or all of the above? And while I think about what to write about, I listen to "Drops of Jupiter" by Train and wonder if I have found myself, fallen for a shooting star, sailed across the sun, or if I am just missing someone while I was looking for myself out there.

And since I have so much to say (clearly), I have decided to make this entire post dedicated to cake. Not everyone likes cake. If you are part of that everyone, maybe you should stop reading now. But if you like cake then enjoy this.

Cake is significant. If you think about it, cake is almost a food group of any party. You celebrate your birthday with cake, you celebrate good things that have happened with cake, and many numerous other things. And now, I am being bribed with cake. Yes sir, cake has become a goal for me. Truth be told, I really don't LOVE cake. I don't. However, it has become an obsession to get it. And I will go to great lengths to get it.

This story shall be continued at a later date....

On to my life. Supposedly I am nicer now... at least that is what I am told. So why is that? Anyone?

I also realize how much people LOVE hearing about my dating life so this is for you peeps. I have been trained through past experiences that if the guy wants to keep in contact post dating that he will do so. I also realize that I tend to back off considerably if a guy talks to me less. Probably for protective reasons. So imagine my surprise when a boy who first of all accused me of not caring that he had pneumonia but also accused me of giving it to him (the girl who has never had pneumonia) and then stopped talking to me, randomly texts me again.

Is that a bad move? Maybe not. However, he wanted to get back together. Give people second chances right? I would have considered it but he started getting all irritated about stupid stuff. I ask myself, "Ashley, why would you want to date someone who uses anger to attempt to get someone back?" And at this point I realize that he has the mental capacity of a ten-year-old. I have never enjoyed telling someone that it would NEVER work as much as I did that night.

3:30

So I basically created this blog for the people that actually read what I write. I hope that you enjoy.